Monday, 11 March 2013

Retire the 1980s Action Movie Stars

Some movie stars don’t know when to call it quits. I’m referring to the Arnolds, the Sylvesters and the Willis’s who just won’t stop making action movies. Sure they make a couple of good ones now and then, but the majority of it are shallow seen-it-before action flicks. They are guilty of playing the same characters over and over again, which is plausibly why they are called stars and not actors. Please join in my petition to put an end to such tasteless movies.

Arnold Schwarzenegger  

You came from Austria as a body builder who transitioned into acting. You never learnt accents. You peaked in the 90s with movies like Terminator 2. You became governor of the greatest and richest state in the USA. You had a fling with the help and fathered her child. Scandalous. You had a divorce. And now you want to keep making action movies?!

Sylvester Stallone 

You got swag, machismo. You never learnt how to act. Your Rocky and Rambo series in the 80s brought you great fame. You never stopped. In ‘The Expandables’ you rounded up all your former buddies and made an ensemble cast B-grade action movie. You sinned big time. And you’re doing it again with ‘Expendables 2’. You’re approaching 70 for goodness sake, stop!

Bruce Willis  

You’re the most active action star of them all. You started with the Die Hard movies but since then you’re in everything! Your most decent attempt at acting is in the Sixth Sense. I don’t mind seeing more of you, but shouldn’t you dial down on the action. Transition, transition. I’m fed up of seeing grandpas running around with guns.

Jean-Claude Van Damme , Dolph Lundgren and other miscellaneous stars 

You guys never made it very big, small potato movie stars. But you just keep on making them movies. Guys, I’m sorry to say, you missed the stardom boat. So give up your dreams and lay low. P.S. Dolph you look really OLD, dude.

Tom Cruise 

You are a Scientologist, member of a cult which worship aliens. You have had 3 wives which you split up when they each reached 33. You are arguably the hottest movie star of our time. I admit some of your movies are good: Minority Report, War of the Worlds, A Few Good Men, Jerry Maguire. But lately you don’t really act anymore, you’re on cruise control. You wear the same smug movie after movie. You choose to play the same character: the suave unbeaten hero. Yuck! You destroyed the essence of Mission Impossible and made it all about YOU, but restored it in the fourth installment.

Enough with this insanity. If enough of us join in to amplify and escalate this, the 80s action stars will realize that they no longer belong in today’s cinema. By doing so we may one day hope that the gods of Hollywood will keep the sanctity of our cinemas intact. Sign the petition now.

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